Why this matters
Most communication between any two people is non-verbal anyway — tone, face, posture, timing. As finding words gets harder, the person you care for leans on this even more. They'll also read your body language closely, sometimes picking up on tension or rushing before you've even said a word.
Reading what they're telling you
Watch for the signs, not just the words:
Distress
Frowning, pulling away, restless hands, a tense jaw
Comfort
Relaxed shoulders, steady eye contact, a soft voice
Boredom
Looking away, fidgeting, going quiet mid-conversation
A need
Pointing, reaching, or looking repeatedly at something
Making your own body language work for you
- Approach from the front — give them time to see you coming
- Get to their eye level — standing over someone can feel intimidating
- Move slowly — sudden movement can startle or distress
- Match your face to your words — a tense expression can upset them even if what you're saying is fine
- Keep your tone calm — even a rushed "let's go" can sound like anger
The single most useful habit
Before speaking, pause and check your own face and posture match what you're about to say. It feels a little forced at first — that's normal, and it gets easier.
Touch and gestures
A hand on the arm, a gentle pat, or holding hands can offer real comfort — but not everyone wants to be touched, especially if they feel disoriented. Watch for pulling away, and follow their lead.
Simple gestures fill gaps well: pointing at a drink, miming eating, a thumbs up or a nod. Visual prompts — photos, cue cards, pointing at an object — often work better than a string of words.
If they switch to a different language
Some people revert to their first language as dementia progresses, even if they haven't used it in years. If you don't speak it, this can be confusing for both of you — a reassuring tone and gentle touch still get the message across even when the words don't.
What to do next
- Notice what already works, and do more of it — every relationship develops its own shorthand
- Slow down before a conversation, rather than mid-way through one
- If communication has changed suddenly, mention it to the GP — it can flag other things worth checking
- Be patient with yourself too — this is genuinely hard, not a skill you're failing to have
Start Here Guide
If you're newer to caring, this covers the basics of adjusting to a diagnosis and what support is out there.
Sources
- Alzheimer's Society — Non-verbal communication and dementia
- Alzheimer's Society — How non-verbal communication can bring comfort when words fail
Checked against these sources in July 2026.