She Didn't Choose to Be a Carer — She Grew Into It

She grew into it, one small task at a time

At 20, Anjola Fashawe cares for her mum, who has arthritis. She didn't plan for this. It just happened — until stairs, baths, and short walks became things her mum could no longer manage alone.

No one called her a "carer" until she was 16. A conversation with a student adviser at school finally got her recognised — and some financial support followed. Before that, she and her older sister just did it, quietly, as family.

Caring alongside work

Now she works a full-time job and carries the caring role home every evening. She describes it as doing two jobs at once — one paid, one not. At her desk, part of her mind is always checking in: has Mum eaten? Is the pain worse today?

Hospital appointments alone take real time — she aims for at least two a month, and once spent over 18 hours in a waiting room rather than let her mum sit there alone.

The cost no one talks about

While her friends save for house deposits, Anjola budgets for mobility equipment and extra winter heating instead. Full-time paid care isn't a real alternative for most families — it can cost more than a month's salary, and even then, someone still has to manage the appointments and the medication.

There's guilt too — the kind that comes from loving someone in pain, and from worrying you've caused a little more of it by rushing, or gripping an arm too hard.

She's not alone

An estimated 11.9 million people in the UK are unpaid carers. Nearly 3 million of them also hold down paid jobs. Carers UK research found 2.6 million people have left work entirely to care for someone — about 600 people a day — costing an estimated £37 billion a year in lost productivity and tax.

If this sounds like you

Anjola's story doesn't come with a checklist — it's here because feeling stretched between work and caring is real, and worth naming. If you're looking for something practical to act on, these might help: