Why this happens
One of you ends up doing it all. Another has opinions but no time. Money and legal paperwork make it worse. None of this means your family is broken — it's one of the most common things carers go through, and rarely talked about.
When one of you carries it all
Say it plainly, once: "I'm doing the weekday visits and all of the weekends — can we split this differently?" That's clearer than months of silence.
You can ask for your own Carer's Assessment. Any carer can request one from their council, regardless of what siblings are or aren't doing. It can bring in real help — respite, equipment, information — that doesn't depend on a sibling agreeing to anything.
When a sibling interferes but doesn't help
Write down who does what. Not to keep score — so nobody's memory has to.
A family mediator can help when everyone means well but keeps talking past each other. This is usually a paid, private service in the UK — not free, unlike divorce mediation.
Finding a real mediator: the Family Mediation Council register is the one directory backed by actual accreditation, not just a website's own claims — search by postcode. Most listed mediators work mainly on divorce and separation, so say clearly upfront that this is about caring for a parent, not a couple splitting up.
Some of this can't be fixed. If a sibling has decided not to help, that's a limit to accept, not a problem to solve.
When it becomes a legal dispute: Power of Attorney
Genuine misuse — money going missing, no records kept, decisions that benefit the attorney, not the person — gets reported to the Office of the Public Guardian (OPG). You don't need proof, just a clear account of what happened. They can investigate, and refer serious cases to the Court of Protection. If someone is at immediate risk, contact your council's adult safeguarding team too.
Just a disagreement — feeling shut out of a decision, or disliking a choice made in good faith — isn't misuse. Reporting an honest disagreement to the OPG usually makes things worse, not better. Mediation is the better first step here.
What to do next
- Name the imbalance out loud, once, with a specific ask
- Request your own Carer's Assessment
- Write down who does what
- Work out if it's misuse or disagreement before deciding where to take an LPA concern
- Get a solicitor involved early if money or capacity is genuinely in question
Related on CarersInfo
- Carer's Assessment — how to request one and what it covers
- Inheritance & Trusts — for when LPA and estate questions overlap
Sources
- Legislation.gov.uk — Care Act 2014, Section 10 — Carer's Assessment
- Carers Trust — The Care Act 2014: rights for carers
- GOV.UK — Report a concern about an attorney, deputy or guardian
- GOV.UK — Court of Protection
- Family Mediation Council — Find a local mediator
Checked against these sources in July 2026. Rules can change — always check GOV.UK for the current position.